After the untimely and mysterious death of my friend Professor Robert Danglon, I received a small package in the mail. Awestruck over its contents, I wanted to share with all of you what I found inside and I'm curious to see what you think of it. I have to say I'm sure it's nerves, but it seems like I was followed to Mass this weekend by a strange looking car. But anyway, here is the text from the letter inside:
My old friend,
I write you with great urgency. I believe I have stumbled across information that I was never meant to have. The week before last my brother's, nephew’s, roommate’s, cousin’s, landlord’s, third grade teacher requested a meeting with myself promising information that very well could change the face of society as we know it.
I sat waiting for her before our meeting when a large white sedan raced up and came to a screeching halt. The window rolled down and a visibly upset white-haired woman threw a small package into my lap. Shouting something about being followed and time running out, she left in the same manner by which she arrived.
Though a little shook, I gathered my things and the package and returned to my apartment. It seemed like paranoia at the time, but I was sure I was being watched. Oh how I curse the day I opened that package! The world was not ready for the secret it contained. I pass it on to you only because I know my time is short.
Lately I’ve been followed around by a sinister looking fellow with white hair, a pale complexion, wearing a habit, and answering to the name Silas. I fear he has been sent to keep the secret secret.
What he is trying to keep quiet is the true identity of Batman and Robin. Yes, yes, the Dynamic Duo. Two masters of disguise able to blend in to any environment imaginable. You know these two well, and will be stunned to find out what I’m about to tell you. The Dark Knight and Boy Wonder are none other than [unreadable writing]. I know, I know, gather yourself man, we don’t have much time.
The information in this package will go over in great detail the evidence amassed showing this to be true. But let me quickly go over 3 points that are easily overlooked individually, but create a clear picture when put together.
First, just look at the two of them. Look at their size, their physiques, their presence. Two men, who when imagined without their everyday attire and wearing capes, masks, and tights are two very, very different men indeed!
Secondly, the two, especially the larger one, are rarely seen after 10pm. Why you ask? Because bats fly at night my friend, at night! They have been fighting the dark forces of the spiritual world during the day, and those of this world at night. Don’t let their trading of the bat cave for their current residence, or Alfred Pennyworth’s new disguise as fool you!
But what about the Batmobile you ask. Oh friend, have you seen them drive?!?! Yes, they have exchanged the Batmobile for more “unadventurous” vehicles, but again don’t be fooled! You can take the Caped Crusader out of the Batmobile, but you can’t take the Batmobile out of the Caped Crusader.
It is my whole-hearted belief that the smaller of the two, Boy Wonder if you will, has been reassigned by his superiors to a new location precisely in an attempt to cover-up my finding. But I am not so easily thrown off a trail.
I have included a picture with this letter that may shock you, but will remove all doubt of what I say. It was the last known authentic picture taken of the two. Please keep this, … wait … I hear someone coming. I fear that
And that's where the letter came to a heart-pounding, abrupt stop. Below is the picture the Professor included in the package. The picture is a most disturbing picture indeed. If I wouldn't have seen it, I never would have believed it.
I can only imagine what canonical penalty I just incurred.