Saturday, July 28, 2007

Another Good Reason

I know this won't really be Big Info You Didn't Already Know, but I have been thinking a lot about this subject (because of some things happening in my extended family) and today I saw this article and it confirmed some things I felt about this subject for a while now.

Whenever I say to someone, "I would NEVER do that!" (IVF) they look at me like I'm crazy (insert goofy joke here) and say something like, "Well, of course you say that, you would never HAVE to do something like that. You have x#(how ever many kids I have at the time) kids!".

I always have had trouble explaining why even if I had NO children or no hope of ever having children that I would never even consider this barbaric practice. Here are my reasons:

1. IVF takes God out of the equation by saying "I'm going to do what I want to do even if it means making my body do something it was not meant to do (produce multiple eggs in a cycle unnaturally then remove them from the body), not having any faith that God knows what's best for me and my family and putting the Dr.s in charge of that, and risking the lives of all the babies the Dr.s produce by bypassing the natural processes involved in procreation."

2. The financial pressure to keep trying in this process would break the bank and put extra pressure in making the one time work, thereby increasing the risk of being tempted to implant mutliple embryos and risking all of their lives and also the life of the mother.

3. Of all of the risks involved, the biggest one for me would be the most ironic. If I would endanger my procreative health by unnaturally stimulating certain hormones, I could be risking my future FERTILITY! If I had given God a little more time, or had figured out why I hadn't gotten pregnant and maybe tried to fix an underlying problem with my health first, who knows how many years of fertility I could have had!

4. The new info from the article above. Sheesh, that stuff is SCARY!

I understand impatience. I see couples get impatient for so many things, including children. It must be so hard to see their friends and siblings have many children or ANY children before they do. Yes, I do have a bunch of children, so I also understand why people roll their eyes when I explain why it's immoral and dangerous to do IVF. But here's the thing. I never have had cancer, but I can imagine that it's truly awful, and horrifying, and scary, and painful. I could offer consolation to a cancer patient and offer my prayers, too. I have never visited Tahiti, but I can imagine that it's lovely (when it's not hurricane season) and I could wish to visit there and close my eyes and imagine the sun, and surf, and pina coladas at the beach, and tell people that they should GO there...even if I'd never been.

I guess the point of all of this is that I didn't always have children. I didn't have to wait very long, but I did have several periods of infertility that made me curse God (don't worry, went to confession for it since!) and throw my thermometer across the room in anger every morning for a year at one time. I didn't get an answer from God until I took responsibility for my anger and resentment and "let it go". I had to come to peaceful terms with the Lord and say that it was up to Him...from now, on...and mean it! Two months later, when I was good and healthy, I was blessed with Niklaus! I'm not saying that there is some magical way of making the infertile fertile, or that some couples simply cannot have children in the natural process. I guess what I am saying is that God loves us so much that he has so many "backup plans" for us-if we would only just turn around and see what He's been tapping us on the shoulder for all that time!

Another little thing I'd like to add is that I've always wanted to adopt a child. Whenever I would think about ever having a baby or a child, I would think about the adoption process and maybe even traveling to find a child from another country. I never imagined getting pregnant or giving birth. God had other plans for me (funny thing about God, always making plans for me! That God, what a card!) So, sort of in the opposite way, I DO understand what infirtile couples go through. I met and married a man for whom adoption was NOT an option. He told me that, plain and simple, from the beginning. Inside, I ranted, and raved (something about "women's rights" and "why won't he just do what I tell him to do!", I don't know, it was early in the marriage, I hadn't been properly formed yet) and wished, and prayed that he would change his mind. It wasn't in the cards for me, but it still hurts that I will probably never get to adopt a child.

Aha! Now reverse the "adopt" word with the "give birth to" phrase like this..."I always wanted to give birth to a still hurts that I will probably never give birth to a child." See? I do understand. But, even if I didn't, that still wouldn't stop me from telling my friend/sister/brother, in the most merciful and charitable way, why it's WRONG to do IVF.

Love hurts really bad when you know what you are saying will hurt the person worse (initially). You know you REALLY love someone when you are willing to hurt that much for them.


MrsMom said...

I just had this discussion with some relatives of mine and you are right, it is hard when someone else thinks it is so right for them and seems for them the only option to get what they "want."

Another terrible thing that happens with IVF is that they take the healthy embroyos to implant and destroy the others or freeze them for possible future use. Keep a few, kill the others.

I have a few in my family that have done it or will be doing it and they are looking into paying a little more money to get the gender that they desire. It is hard because everyone else around seems to be so supportive, yet I really think they just don't understand what it is, or are willing to look the other way for someone else's happiness.

Children are gifts from God, not rights.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Extra money to get the gender that they WANT? UGH, I feel like puking, seriously. I usually have more hope for humanity, but when I hear something like that...let's just say that the devil is working overtime lately. I gotta go pray now.