Tuesday, August 7, 2007

The Visiting Priest From India

I was trying so hard to listen intently to the priest but: I have a bit of a hearing problem, he had a very strong accent, and I was sitting about as far away from the man as I possibly could (had to go in the "gathering space" because of the loud toddler).

He mostly spoke (in his homily) about how we shouldn't attach ourselves to the things of this world. His basic message was how this life is so very fleeting, that it's but a moment in the grand scheme of an eternity with God. He talked about how our dreams are a good example of this, that our dreams are so easily forgotten by the time morning comes and that they become distant memories so quickly. This must be what our lives on Earth will seem like if we ever get to Heaven.

Okay, now that I've convinced you that I was actually paying attention this Sunday, I get to tell you something not so reverent about Sunday. So, I was sitting there, straining to hear over the wigglyness of my girl and my three nieces and one little nephew, I heard Father say something that about knocked me off of my seat until I figured out what he REALLY said.

I often hear things that are not exactly what the sayer was originally trying to say. For instance, "Laura, Mari wants a drink!" might sound to me like, "Laura, mountains in the SINK!". Yeah, it's pretty bad but it can be really funny too.

Father was saying these words: "Father, you sent us your son as our redeemer..."
and I heard:

"Father, you sent an a**hole in a Beamer..."

I swear that's what I heard. I kept shaking my head to get that funny thought out of there but it didn't work and I went to communion (!) thinking about what a dork I am, and how my brain must be twisted to keep thinking about how funny that was, and how I should be saying "Hail Mary's" until I could get it together and straighten up, Missy. Mass was just ruined for me by my impediment and my silliness. I hope I didn't ruin it for Jesus.

I owe Him tons for my Distracted Church Thoughts (DCT's)over the years. One that I'm going to share with you is the painting on the dome of our church. If you look at the green background border around the bottom of the painting...and use your imagination...it looks like a bunch of fallopian tubes and ovaries. I'm not kidding here. I really think that the artists KNEW they were painting that and were somehow trying to represent the beginning of "life" in some way, or fertility. I'm kind of sorry that I'm drawing you into my weird, DCT world, but I'm kinda not because now I guaranteeeeee you will be looking up next time you're at Mass, and you will see those things up there, and wonder how the heck you missed that up until that crazy mama pointed it out to you.

Oy, I need help. The pregnant-er I get the goofier I get. Sorry, it's not looking so hot until about March of 2008. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Serviam! said...

I too was banished to the land of NaughtyKid Sunday night. I saw your sister and her family, but you must have shown up later.

After a few years at the U, my TIAI (Thick Indian Accent Interpretation) skills are pretty sharp. Not only does this help with visiting Indian priests, but calls to tech-support.

I will never look at the dome in quite the same way again. You know, I may not look at you quite the same way again either (Ha!). March of '08 might seem like a long time away because it is, but hang in there. And for what it's worth, my pregnant wife is also a raving lunatic.

I've also got a strange dome story. The image of St. Thomas on the dome looks identical to the CFO at my company! Seriously! And you know what our CFO's first name is? Yep, ... Tom.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

I was there and I saw you, so you must not have recognized me from my twisted face picture on my blog. The next time I see you guys in church, I will give you the face so you can know it's me.

Trina's Gabby loves your M.. She was in VBS class with her and I guess she made a card for her and everything. Trine said it was so cute that she kept talking about her and that when she dropped her off this morning, Trine knew right away who M belonged to (she looks so much like mom!).

P.S. I was under the impression that you were a smart man. Calling your wife a "raving lunatic"?...WE can call ourselves that, but I don't know the wisdom of giving her that moniker as the hubs...I would have one of the kids check dinner before I took a bite tonight if I were you.

Serviam! said...

Oh man! The whole “raving lunatic” thing was a, … spelling error. Yeah, a very unfortunate typo if you will. What I meant to type was “wonderful woman” - me and my stupid fat fingers.

Deogratias said...

Laura, I have been going over the theology of the body for a while now, but I have learned quite a bit more by reading your posts. What I have learned is...girls are different than boys...wow.

I enjoy your take on things, especially when you outgunned Serviam in the size of his little van.

I have had the oportunity to spend quite a few hours talking to our Russian writers of the dome, and they never mentioned ovaries to me, but perhaps it was an oversite. One thing I have noticed in the scrollwork is the fleur-de-lis that surrounds Christ. The symbology of that flower is usually for the blessed Virgin Mary. The neat thing about these flowers on the icon is that the tips of the flower point right to Christ, which Mary always does. I use these flowers on the icon as a tool to meditate on the Incarnation, and the mediating power of Our Lady.

Serviam! said...

So, .... one person's fleur-de-lis, is another person's ovaries?

Serviam! said...

Oh yeah, and about the van. Remember, it's not the size of the van that counts, ... it's knowing how to park it.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Oh, deogratias, the things I could teach you...HAHAHA! Theology of the Body, Laura style:
Lesson number one:
Do NOT call your wife any derogatory names whilst she is preggers or she may punch you on your BODY somewheres when you are sleeping and then say (when you wake in PAIN...suffering for Christ, yay!) something like, "Oh, honey, you woke up...is something wrong?". Amen. Alleluia.

I CAN park that huge thing, I just can't back up or get OUT of the actual parking space.

You say, "Fleur-de-lis", I say, "whatever, FRENCH ovaries, then"...let's call the whole thing off!

You guys crack me up!

swissmiss said...

All your talk of ovaries is just, just, anatomical. Take that. I just wanted to say that I too have problems hearing (have some hearing loss) and suffer from the same weird DCTs. When I do manage to hear part of the homily and am not distracted by having to wrangle kids, I only catch an odd word here and there and it's sometimes like listening to Leno or Letterman, kind of a humorous monologue.

I think I can understand Indian accents well enough, it's Scottish that I can't interpret whatsoever!