I was trying so hard to listen intently to the priest but: I have a bit of a hearing problem, he had a very strong accent, and I was sitting about as far away from the man as I possibly could (had to go in the "gathering space" because of the loud toddler).
He mostly spoke (in his homily) about how we shouldn't attach ourselves to the things of this world. His basic message was how this life is so very fleeting, that it's but a moment in the grand scheme of an eternity with God. He talked about how our dreams are a good example of this, that our dreams are so easily forgotten by the time morning comes and that they become distant memories so quickly. This must be what our lives on Earth will seem like if we ever get to Heaven.
Okay, now that I've convinced you that I was actually paying attention this Sunday, I get to tell you something not so reverent about Sunday. So, I was sitting there, straining to hear over the wigglyness of my girl and my three nieces and one little nephew, I heard Father say something that about knocked me off of my seat until I figured out what he REALLY said.
I often hear things that are not exactly what the sayer was originally trying to say. For instance, "Laura, Mari wants a drink!" might sound to me like, "Laura, mountains in the SINK!". Yeah, it's pretty bad but it can be really funny too.
Father was saying these words: "Father, you sent us your son as our redeemer..."
and I heard:
"Father, you sent an a**hole in a Beamer..."
I swear that's what I heard. I kept shaking my head to get that funny thought out of there but it didn't work and I went to communion (!) thinking about what a dork I am, and how my brain must be twisted to keep thinking about how funny that was, and how I should be saying "Hail Mary's" until I could get it together and straighten up, Missy. Mass was just ruined for me by my impediment and my silliness. I hope I didn't ruin it for Jesus.
I owe Him tons for my Distracted Church Thoughts (DCT's)over the years. One that I'm going to share with you is the painting on the dome of our church. If you look at the green background border around the bottom of the painting...and use your imagination...it looks like a bunch of fallopian tubes and ovaries. I'm not kidding here. I really think that the artists KNEW they were painting that and were somehow trying to represent the beginning of "life" in some way, or fertility. I'm kind of sorry that I'm drawing you into my weird, DCT world, but I'm kinda not because now I guaranteeeeee you will be looking up next time you're at Mass, and you will see those things up there, and wonder how the heck you missed that up until that crazy mama pointed it out to you.
Oy, I need help. The pregnant-er I get the goofier I get. Sorry, it's not looking so hot until about March of 2008. Don't say I didn't warn you.