Well, you've got yourself a crabby, headachy, preggo woman here. Be warned. Do not read any further if you are easily offended or not in the mood for a fight.
You still here? Glutton for punishment are you? FINE.
Things that bug the bejeevers out of me:
1. Clapping at Mass.
2. labelling a Mass (i.e. "healing Mass", "teen Mass", "polka Mass")
Mass is Mass. High Mass. Low Mass. Mass.
3. Laity who think they are the priest and actually say the priests words during Mass and/or copy the PRIEST'S gestures (you know what I'm talking about, "The Lord be with you ((offers hands forward))"..."and also with YOU" says the congregation shoving their hands forward too as if the priest is watching them or doesn't believe that we wish him peace unless we are flailing our hands around... Oh yeah, and don't forget, "WE LIFT THEM UP TO THE LORD!" be sure to extend your hands as high as possible so everyone catches on that this is what we're supposed to do now even though we haven't really done that for hundreds of years up until about 10 years ago or so.).
4. People who start a sentence with, "The Lord told me..." and really wish me to believe that God actually spoke to them the other day when they were having tea or whatever. It mostly bugs me because if I question it (and you KNOW I do!) they just dismiss me as a non-believer or a non-faithful person. PUH-LEASE! This ain't my first rodeo and I've come to find that the more you question things...ummmm...the more you find out the TRUTH! Is that a bad thing? ("is that a bad thing" phrase borrowed from people who defend the charismatic nonsense trying to illustrate why that stuff is good by the virtue of it "bringing people to the faith". Okay, well, I argue that sometimes a horrible accident or a life-threatening disease brings a person to the faith-does that make the cause an objective "good thing"? Does that mean we should do nothing to prevent horrible accidents or life-threatening diseases because "hey! they bring people closer to God!"?) I know way too many people that go for that kind of thing, hook, line, and sinker. I don't fault anyone for falling for some of the false visionaries, but I DO fault the false visionaries and their taking advantage of people who are grasping for hope in any place they can find it.
5. Leaving Mass right after communion. Why don't people know that this is wrong. They write bulletin notices about every thing these days, why not some little something on mass etiquette every week to remind people? I have enough faith in people to believe that most of us WANT to know what the proper thing to do is. Hey, I wonder what would happen if Father did a little experiment where one week, he doesn't say anything and the ushers count how many people rush out of church after communion ("rush" is probably not the right word, they are mostly ambling and NOT in a hurry) and count the NEXT week at the same Mass after making a quick, little comment during the homily? Hmmmmm.
6. Extraordinary ministers who don't know how to administer communion to people on the tongue and touch my tongue with their fingers. Sheesh! I'm pretty sure THEY don't like it all that much either! I make SURE to stick it waaaayyyy out there and tip my head back (sorry to be so crude), and wait a second so He doesn't fall to the floor...but every time, it seems, someone's fingers end up in my mouth. I don't know how this could be resolved. Practice? I don't know. Sometimes the priest does it too, but almost always it's not the priest. Also, don't get offended if I go to the priest to receive. For goodness sake! It's his job first and he's done it a LOT more times than you! Chances are his hands are nice and holy and so if they DO end up in my mouth, it's not quite as gross. Plus, I KNOW he's washed right before distribution. I saw him do it.
*7. Chimes. Do. Not. Belong. In Church. (neither do drums, but that almost goes without saying) I'm talking about that musical instrument that is supposed to sound "ethereal" or something, but just ends up scaring me and giving me a headache. Maybe some of you like the chimes (and drums) and that's just fine. I had a bad experience with them one time, and ever since they sound like fingernails on the chalkboard for me.
*8. I haven't encountered this one for a while but still should have made the original list:
Props. Pleeeeeeeease spare me of the props to illustrate things in your homily!!!! Unless it's a special ceremony for really, little kids (outside of Mass), I really don't need cheesy visuals to get the point.
Okay, I'm done for now. Don't cross me this week. Butch is going out of town for the second week in a row and I don't know how many screaming kid fits I will be able to take before I blow a gasket for real.
I neeeeeeed to go to confession for all of this pent up frustration and anger (oh yeah, there's even more of it than I let loose in this post!). Maybe my next post will be a happy, sunshiney post...with no mention of how much of a waste I think it is to have a huge team of young adults here doing (what?) stuff for a year and everyone being told how "lucky" we are to have them? Teens are a little too saavy to fall for the "on fire for the Lord", fakey smile, let me tell you MY life story and put on a skit because it's sooooo interesting and even though it's filled with scandal and stuff, I'm all good now and want to "give back" (doing what again?) by dedicating a year to God etc. etc.. Oh yeah, I'm THAT crabby about it. Sorry, no one will convince me that this is a great idea. Maybe that's my sin (obstinacy?), but I was that age too, once, and worked with NET people before. Forgive my pessimism about them, but it's based on experience, not based on any knowledge of these, particular individuals who could all be perfectly pie-in-the-sky, wonderful people.
Still glad you stayed? Happy now?
Can't say I didn't warn you!
I gotta go clean the bus, it looks like I had a whole NET team sleeping in it for a week or something.